This is a work of fiction
James takes on the role of a seasonal sex toy seller.
I opened my stall along a busy intersection by the bus interchange. It’s imperative to get a good spot.
Location location location.
That’s all it matters.
I import my sex toys from Malaysia. My regular supplier would leave the factory at 3am in the morning and make the 12 hours journey from his home town in Pahang.
Sex toys, like any other goods, needs to be fresh.
I’m serious.
I’m dealing with dildos of different shapes and sizes.
Would you want to put one inside you if it’s not fresh ?
Would you want a dildo that is sitting on the shelves for the past 2 months to go inside you ?
Of course not.
Sex toys season only comes once a year around June to July.
Cross border cooperation between the 2 governments ensures that steady supply of fresh sex toys are available for Singaporeans to enjoy with no fear of reprisals.
During sex toy seasons, you can openly display them in makeshift stalls and sell them.
People in this trade only work 2 months a year and if we are lucky, we make enough to last the entire year.
I could see the curious onlookers surrounding my stall as i unloaded the sex toys, mostly dildos and vibrators. I stacked them high onto a customised rack to ensure a visual treat for anyone walking past.
The colours, the names, the prices all clearly displayed on makeshift recycled cardboard.
It’s a bumper season for black 6-8 inch dildos this year., especially the black cat mountain series. Most of the people would come and ask for it and it’s always at the top of the best seller list.
James : Lai eh…. Lai eh…. come…. come…. Sex toys ….fresh … fresh….. just arrive across the causeway….. come… lai…. Mei nu ( pretty girl ) …. what you want….
Pretty girl : Black cat mountain…. how much….
James : This year price drop…. $7 per inch…… this one… i choose for you… ahhh…. see… i choose good one for you….
Pretty girl : No… no… this one not good…. i want another one….
James : Wah…. you know your dildos ah….
Pretty girl : of course….
I opened another for her to inspect and she shook her head after pressing it a couple of times.
Pretty girl : This is a bit rough ok…. don’t try to cheat me….
James : where got…. mine is all good stuff one…. this one.. how about this one…. ?
I picked another dildo up and showed it to the pretty girl who looked like she is not a day over 30.
She picked it up, gave it a sniff before running her hand up and down the dildo. I could see the satisfaction in her eyes as she nodded a couple of times.
Pretty girl : How much ?
James : I see…. ah….
I put the dildo onto the measuring device and waited for the digital display to stop flashing.
James : ok…. 6.5 inch…. $45.50….. $45 for you la…
Pretty girl : expensive leh…. cheaper la….
James : quality above all else ok ?? … it’s very good price already…..
I started to pack it up for her before throwing in a few sachets of lubricant.
James : Nah… free gift … free gift…. you go back try first…. confirm good one… no good you come back…
Pretty girl : You say one ah….!!
James : I stake my name on it ah…. not good…. i refund… !
Pretty girl : hahaha… ok…
I pocketed the money and turned to my stall assistant who just handed me 3 fifty dollar bill.
Assiatant : give me $10 change….
James : coming right up….
He just closed a deal with 2 girls buying a combination of black cat mountain and golden corn.
James : lai eh… lai eh…. fresh sex toys eh…. confirm good… if not money back….
I saw a couple whispering to one another and i could see it from the girls face that she wanted to get one.
James : come … come… don’t be shy…. come…. uncle recommend you…..you all look very young eh….. above 18 or not… ??
Man : We 21 already… !
Girl : yes…. we are 21 !
James : Relax …. relax…. hahaha…. come.. this one.. … black cat mountain….. confirm good….. tonight your eyes…. roll back….
Man : No… no… ermm..
Girl : do…. do you have….. king kong… ?
I raised and eyebrow and looked at the young couple as i showed them a genuine thumbs up.
James: fwaH!!…. you steady… !!!.. have….!!! …… people experienced one Black cat mountain… you… straight away king kong…. have !!
I dragged a separate trolley from behind the stall and opened the box, pulling in another group of curious students.
James : This one… i usually keep for regular customers only… haha…
Girl : how… how much… ?
James : This one premium man…. $11 an inch….
I picked one up and showed it to the girl. She touched it and her cheeks blushed a bright shade of pink. Her boyfriend immediately pulled out his wallet and says they’ll take it.
James : Alrighty…. !…. let me see…. wah… this one good one… good one… Red King kong….. 7 inch….the girth… the girth is thick boy…. wooo !…. give you discount… $75….
The couple scrambled to get the cash into my hand before quickly retrieving their purchase.
James : lai eh… lai eh… sex toy eh…. fresh from Malaysia…. fresh from Malaysia…..
3 hours in and i was perspiring badly. My shirt was soaked and my hand holding the cutter that kept separating wrapper & tape from boxes was trembling.
It’s hard work.
Making money is not easy.
The stock i have is diminishing fast, there’s less than 10 dildos left and i still have a long queue of office ladies in front of my stall trying to decide if they want to get one.
” Boss , tomorrow what time shipment arrive ? ”
James : around 3pm…. you come around 4pm…. confirm fresh…. !
By 9pm, i finished selling the sex toys i imported for the day and i groaned as my aching legs and back felt the instant relieve as i settled into the chair.
I looked at the small cuts i suffered on my palms and fingers and i stretched myself as my assistant started to stack up the empty boxes and switch off the lights.
Assistant : Boss… today not bad ah….
James : yeah… a lot of office ladies buying…. hopefully this season will be a good one….
Assistant : … everyone very stress lately….. i think this season will be better than the last…… ok see you tomorrow boss…
James : Thanks bro… see you….
After making sure no one is looking, i opened the fanny pack around my waist and looked at the messy stack of money. In this digital age, this is perhaps one of the few transactions left that people would still prefer to deal in cash.
I’ll need to spend some time sorting the money out before wiring it to the supplier for next day’s order.
I covered up my stall with canvas and secured my belongings with a chain and lock. Pulling out a 6 inch black cat mountain i kept for my wife, i smiled as i looked at it.
The build quality, the length, the way it shimmered and shine under the street light. That’s one of the best from this current batch.
Well, you can’t blame me.
Businessmen always keep the best stock for themselves.
I just hope my wife is not asleep yet.
Author
James S
Hahaha WTH!! 👍