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Crazy rich Asians are real, so are the Horny Rich Asians


This is a 2 episode series


A stroke of dumb luck befell me when I was 21. I was working part-time at a stall that sold bean curd and soy milk when I joined my colleagues in the Chinese New Year Hong Bao draw. Each of us pooled 10 dollars for the New Year lottery with a prize pot of 10 million. I never expected to win because I had never won anything in my life before. So one Friday night, when my phone rang at 10 p.m., I was pretty sure it was a prank by Auntie Ling who really took care of me like a son.

Ling: James! We won! We won! Huat already!

James: Auntie Ling, don’t joke about such things la. By the way, I need to switch morning shift on Monday with you. I have to go back to school for a project meeting.

Ling: Switch what switch? You crazy ah? We all going to quit already. Retire and enjoy life hahaha… Okay, okay, I need to call the others.

After she hung, up I brushed it off as a prank. That Saturday afternoon, I went for my six hour shift as usual. But within the basement of that old shopping mall, word had begun to spread that the group of us had won the lottery. A lot of people came to congratulate us, and even the boss himself came down to the branch, worried that all of us would quit together. I was still in a state of shock when Auntie Ling handed me a piece of paper that indicated my share of the prize money. At the end of the draw, the snowballed amount was north of 12 million. The first prize went two ways between two tickets. That was more than six million a ticket. The five of us would share six million dollars in winnings.

When I turned up for work on Monday afternoon, I was in a daze when I saw the cheque that Auntie Ling presented to me.

Ling: James, save it properly. Don’t waste it ah. Go and study, okay? Travel, see the world. You got a nice head start in life with this, so don’t waste it.

I took over the piece of paper and as I held it in my hands, I still could not bring myself to believe that I was a millionaire at age 21. I did not put in any effort at all; I did not even bother to check the results of the lottery. The auntie and uncles went to queue for the ticket and they even prayed for the chance to strike it rich while I did nothing. I told no one, not even my parents. Not because I didn’t want to share the good news or anything, I was just confused and scared. I wanted to take a few months to organise my thoughts, and I never expected to see the world economy collapse. It was June in 2008 and Bear Stearns was the first to go. Following that, even Lehmen Brothers went under. In this climate, I was too afraid to do anything with my money and I left it to rot in the bank.

By end of 2008, I decided that the safest bet was probably to get a property. I could stay in it or rent it out. So I headed to the showroom of a boutique development. Upon entering, I realised I was the only potential buyer and there were five agents eyeing me the moment I stepped in. Four of them immediately looked away when they saw I was a young kid wearing free army sports shoes and carried a school bag. They probably thought I was there to take photos for a school project or something. The agent that approached me was a relatively young girl, Tricia. We had to be about the same age and there was a twinkle in her eyes that I could not describe. She was really beautiful, not hot, not whore-like with thick makeup, but her natural beauty was enhanced by light makeup.

Tricia: Hi, can I help you…?

James: I ermm… want to buy a place here. I like the location.

Tricia: Okay, sure. Ermm… come over here, let me take you through.

While I expected Tricia to be professional and knowledgeable about the project she was about to sell me, she fumbled along most of the time. She didn’t know how many units there were, she couldn’t tell east from west and she could not even read a floor plan properly. She was even unable to tell me the price, the down payment, the latest home loans, and she would immediately forget the block numbers after she just referred to it in the brochure.

Tricia: Ermm… this is block 50. This unit la, I think this one looks good. You look at all the nice model trees, so cute… The green roof, the curve… the gym is right beside you.

James: Ermm… I think that’s the clubhouse.

Tricia: Oh? Let me check how much they are selling the clubhouse okay… It comes with the gym, so it might cost a bit more.

James: What?

She seriously flipped through the booklet and it didn’t look like she was kidding. I looked around and saw the other agents sniggering away. They were obviously gloating over her unprofessionalism. In the end, I decided to save her the embarrassment. With the interest rate near zero, I had already gotten an in-principal approval from the bank and I knew exactly how much they were willing to loan someone like me with 1.2 million in spare cash sitting in his account.

James: I want these two units.

Tricia started laughing.

Tricia: Are you joking?

James: No… I can write you a cheque now.

Tricia: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Tricia started shouting and waving her hands as she ran around the showroom, startling other agents and the security guard.

James: Hey, hey, hey, calm down. I know you’re going to get a good commission for basically doing nothing but just calm down.

Tricia hugged me and her genuine laugher really melted my heart. It was a laugh that was not triggered by money, but by the real joy of accomplishing something on her own.

While waiting for the paperwork, I saw the jealous glares from her other colleagues. One of them even held up the cheque I issued to see if it was real.

Tricia: You are my very first customer you know that? My very first!

James: Ermm… okay… I’m glad I can help you meet your target or something…

Tricia just laughed and then asked if she could buy me dinner. Right about then, a Rolls Royce pulled up to the entrance of the development and an elderly gentleman stepped out from the chauffeured vehicle. Upon seeing him, Tricia immediately jumped up.

Tricia: Daddy! I sold something! I told you I would sell something!

With the big reveal that Tricia was actually the developer’s daughter, the jaws of everyone in the showroom dropped by a full inch.I stood up in surprise, unsure of what to do. Tricia pulled her father over to me and he gave me a once over before he shook my hand.

Fast forward two years later, Tricia and I were married, and I had moved into her large family home. I was only 24 then. With two properties for rental income and a job in an engineering office that gave me three thousand a month, I was quite happy with my life. I felt contented with life and I felt rich. I really thought I was rich, until I was introduced to the life of the horny rich.

To be honest, this story is a sad one. It is one about my sad life living with a family of horny rich Asians.

Tricia had a high sex drive. That was good right? Which man didn’t want a beautiful wife who regularly craved sex? Of course I was happy. Until I realised she was not the only one with a high sex drive. There was Elize, her sister, my 33 year old mother-in-law, Ping, who was my wife’s step-mother, and not to forget Alicia, my father-in-law’s mistress, who was the same age as me. Everyone lived harmoniously in the same house.

I knew crazy rich Asians were real, but I never expected horny rich Asians to be real too.


Episode 1 – 10900 words

Episode 2 – 10100 words

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