James went to Zhiwei with a bizarre request. He wants him to impregnate his wife. James and Linda have been trying for a child for a long time, but due to health reasons, James is not up to the task. During their intimate couple chats, Linda revealed that she harboured some fantasy for Zhiwei, but those were purely bedroom talk, not something that she will ever do in real life. James wants to kill 2 birds with one stone, and create opportunities for Linda and Zhiwei.
My name is James. I was, until quite recently, a fairly ordinary man. I had an ordinary job, an ordinary marriage, and a fairly ordinary craving for a life that meant something more than waking up, parying the MRT don’t break down, going to work, coming home, eating something i da-baoed from the coffee shop, and sleeping next to Linda, my wife.
But after what I did, I don’t think anyone would ever call me ordinary again.
Let me start with the basics: Linda and I had been married for five years but it feels much longer if you consider all the hours I spent watching her sleep, all the times I traced the slopes of her shoulder blades with my thumb, all the glances across the kitchen table while she reads on her tablet and i sip my coffee.
We loved each other in the way people do when they’ve stopped trying to prove anything to anyone else.
We’d been trying for a baby for twenty-six months. I counted.
I counted everything, even the things you’re not supposed to count, like the number of times Linda looked discouraged or how many times I managed to convince myself that this month would be different.
The infertility specialist, Dr Lim, said it was “largely a male factor.”
I read the words “marginal motility” on my report and was pretty amazed at how medical reports considered patient’s feelings at the time it delivered facts.
My semen is shit.
‘Buay gan’ ( Cannot make it in Hokkien )
Those that were present looked like they were retired, ready to collect their CPF life.
We went through the motions. Temperature charts, ovulation kits, vitamins that changed my urine colour. I even installed a little chalkboard in the kitchen to keep track of Linda’s cycle, the days shaded in blue, green, and then red on the day of. None of it worked.
Things started to change after a particularly bad day at the clinic.
Linda had sobbed in the car, her head pressed against the steering wheel.
Linda : I think I’d be a really good mother, but why wouldn’t god give me a chance…
She said, her voice muffled by her hair. I knew she would. She would be the kind of mother who would read all the books, who would write notes in the margins. She would be a mother who planned picnics, who knew how to pack sandwiches with no crusts and apples pre-sliced into the lunch box. Hell if our child wanted bar chor mee for recess, she may just set up a stall in the school canteen.
I wanted that for her, for us, for the hypothetical child who would inherit her way of wrapping a present.
James: I’m sorry dear…it’s…me…
Linda : Don’t say that…
Later, as we lay in bed, Linda admitted something to me. Drunk pillow talk of some sort that is.
Linda : Sometimes…I watch those nature documentary, and see the female having multiple mates, i wonder if that was the way nature meant it to be…haha
She joked. I knew it was a joke.
She will never cheat on me.
Still, we do indulge in some roleplaying and fantasy at times to spice up our sex lives. Like introducing another ‘fantasy’ person into our love making.
Not just any man off the street la dey, of course it had to be someone we both know.
We both had a name in mind. The same one.
Zhiwei.
He was a friend, a co-worker, the kind of man who always knew where the best dim sum was on Sunday or the perfect street market for Nonya Kuehs.
Zhiwei was tall, soft-spoken, with a way of making every conversation feel like a secret just between the two of you. Sometimes, when he came over for dinner, I caught Linda listening a little too closely to his stories. Sometimes I would watch her laugh in that unguarded, almost girlish way.
I didn’t blame her. I admired him too. He was everything I wasn’t: calm, self-assured, competent. I envied the way he never seemed to doubt himself, not even for a second, not even when he was wrong.
And i have to add, his confidence was not delivered in a irritating, obnoxious ways either.
Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to have Zhiwei’s genes in the world. Tall, good looking, president scholar, Golden bayonet, then Sword of Honor during his NS days.
It was a joke at first.
Linda : Maybe we should just let Zhiwei do it for us.
Linda said one night while we were brushing our teeth. I laughed but the idea stuck to my brain like spinach to molars.
I started to think about it all the time. I would imagine Zhiwei and Linda together, not in a lewd way, but as if I were watching a documentary on a family of otters, orang utans or some herd animals.
I wondered what the child would look like. Would his eyes crinkle the way Zhiwei’s did when he smiled? Would she have Linda’s curls or Zhiwei’s straight black hair?
After a month of silent debate with myself, I did it. I called Zhiwei and asked him to meet me for coffee. I didn’t tell Linda. I didn’t tell anyone. It felt like planning a heist, or maybe a mercy killing.
I chose a café with loud music and bad lighting. I wore a hat and sun glasses.
Zhiwei arrived five minutes later.
Zhiwei : Wah, you want to be Tom cruise or James bond? Why suddenly pattern more than badminton?
When I told him what I wanted, he didn’t laugh. He just blinked once, then looked at his hands, then back at me.
He asked a few questions. Was this a sperm-donation thing, or did we want him to… actually do it? Would Linda agree to it? I told him that Linda had always found him attractive, but that she would never go for it if she thought I was involved.
James: It has to seem … natural.
I said, my voice shaking a little.
James: She can never know.
We spend a couple of minutes in silence before Zhiwei spoke first.
Zhiwei : you know…i was expecting you to sell me some MLM stuff, or worse, borrow money and all but ermm…i wasn’t expecting this…
James: You find Linda attractive no? You admitted it several times.
Zhiwei :Yes i find her very pretty, very attractive, hell if she was single, i will go after her with everything but this…bro…this is a bit weird la.
James: believe me i know…i don’t take this lightly…and i’ve thought about a lot of things before i even come to you…so…i hope you know how serious i am…
Zhiwei sipped his coffee and wiped his lips.
Zhiwei : Can i…erm…think about it?
James: Of course…
A week later, Zhiwei gave me his reply.
Zhiwei : ok. Let’s do it.
Coming soon.